You ever been in a situation where your spouse does something that makes you feel angry or frustrated? Or maybe you find that they keep doing something you do not like and you feel is inconsiderate to you? Does it make you feel critical of them? Like you just want to tell them how they are messing up your happiness or your peace of mind. Do you feel like telling them they need to stop f@#king up and get their sh#t together! When you do approach them and tell them what's wrong with what they are doing, do they not respond the way you want them to? Maybe they get defensive or just do not listen to you?
Or have you ever been in a situation where your spouse approaches you in an angry hurtful way. You feel like they are overly negative and harsh towards you. You feel like they do not see your positive points or acknowledge your efforts. Instead, you just always feel like they are critical of you or putting you down. Does it make you feel like you do not want to deal with them?
What if there was a better way that reduced all this negativity and improved your relationship. Would you take it?
Episode 3 of our show deals with criticism. We focus on why it is harmful to relationships, how to identify it when it is happening, and how to replace it with a more effective and less harmful technique called the "soft startup." The soft startup is one of the techniques we teach as part of the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work Program. It is based on the research of Dr. John Gottman who studied thousands of couples over 40 years and who could predict divorce with 90% accuracy. We discuss why criticism is one of the most powerful predictors of divorce in marriage. We also discuss the power of the "soft startup" to more effectively get your needs met while avoiding the harm that criticism does to marriages.
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